I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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