My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
