just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I understand Curling. That high.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
