Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
