So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
