im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
