He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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