separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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