im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
