Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
