i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
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