it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
