At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
