My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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