Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just googled if crying burns calories
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
