This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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