I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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