my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
