i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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