thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
