and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
