Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
