how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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