Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
