my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
