I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
