I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
