I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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