That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
