hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My penis needs a shock collar
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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