He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
