Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
