Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize