He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
