just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize