3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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