It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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