turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
