A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
