Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
