yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
