i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
