If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I can't turn off my feet"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
