omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
