T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
