wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
