dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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