Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
