they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
