babies were throwing up all over the place
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize