i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize