Only a mothe r could love this liver
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
