lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
