She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
