You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
