lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
