$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
