I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Mom said you looked used
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
