Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
