Do you still have your period?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize