We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
