Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
