Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
