Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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