I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
