Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
