I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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