if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
