He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
