you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
