i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
