I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
