a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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