one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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