K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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