he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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