i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
