I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i think my cat just said my name.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
