Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
