We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize