can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
