My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
